10 days later

I did laundry.

I cooked dinner.

I spent the whole day with Corbin and enjoyed him. Really - he's insane.

We booked a cruise. We're going to the Bahamas for 3 nights in October - just me and James. It's something nice to look forward to.

I called a counselor. Actually the same counselor we saw for marriage counseling. She's very nice and I like her. And I need someone one who is not affected by our loss like the family is to talk to. There are a lot of thoughts in my head and a lot of decisions I feel like we need to make. I don't want to make our choices out of fear and grief (b/c I feel A LOT of that at the moment) and I think getting another perspective will help. Plus talking to someone will probably help me heal.

I'm trying to get back to normal.

I'm taking things one day at a time - one minute at a time really. I can be ok one minute and in tears the next. I have a lot of thoughts - I feel like a failure as a mom, a wife, and a woman. I feel like this is my fault. James reassures me every time that this is not true. He's a fabulous support and talking to him really makes me feel better.

I know that someday I will feel better - we'll never forget, but it won't hurt as bad. So I keep on trucking. There's nothing else I can do.