Money has been a bit snug here in the Murphy home lately - although I'm sure almost everyone can relate to that anymore. But we got hit with all of my medical bills from my miscarriage (which had to be induced in the hospital, due to my body failing to realize what had happened, and earned me an overnight stay on L&D) and the subsequent 4 day stay from my infection two weeks later. Right after that, they stopped giving James overtime at work. So it's been tight the last couple of months. It's ok - we have everything we need. We've just cut back on the wants. But I like to have a little wiggle room in the budget and we are striving to get 100% debt free and get some savings going. So we've both been spending a lot of time in prayer about our jobs and just trying to trust God to provide in whatever way he was going to.

We've recently started taking a Crown Financial class at church and have begun tithing again as well. It seems to contradict the whole tightening up thing - but we've been convicted about our money and have realized that it's not ours really in the first place. We want to use His money that He's so graciously given to us in a way that will honor Him and we have felt convicted that the first way we can do that is to give back to Him first thing and trust that He will provide a way for ends to meet.

And He has. 

I have been paying attention at work and looking for an opportunity to transfer back into the hospice house. There is a pay increase with this - on nights in particular. Well last Wednesday a position was posted for the hospice house close to my home. It was a night shift job. I applied for it right away. On Thursday, HR called to set up an interview for Friday. The interview went well but they had "more applicants to interview and would get back to me next week" Well this afternoon they called and offered me the job!! I was thrilled of course! Not only will my paychecks be bigger, but we will be able to cut down to 4 days - maybe even 3 days - of daycare for Corbin, saving us even more money.

This will be a bit of an adjustment for our family. Working nights is hard b/c I enjoy spending the evenings with James and Corbin and I feel like I will see less of them. I also have to work every other weekend. But it is only 3-4 nights a week and every other weekend, so we will just make the most of the other nights and weekends that I am off work. I am looking forward to being home with Corbin a couple more days a week though and I know he will like to stay home a bit more as well.

I am so glad that God opened this door for us and I'm so excited to see how the transition goes.

"when daddy let me drive"

I am all about carseat safety. My family calls me a "carseat nazi". Corbin rearfaced in the carseat until 18 months and would have gone longer except he outgrew the seat. I plan to keep him harnessed until he's 5 or 6 - when ever he outgrows the seat he's in. I cringe when I see carseats installed wrong, loose harness straps, or kids wearing coats in the carseat. A girl at work brought her baby in and the carseat was a hot mess, so I fixed it for her without even asking. To me - there's no point in using the carseat if it's not being used right!

So a couple of weeks ago, my car was in the shop. James picked me up after work and we stopped to get Corbin on the way home. We did not have the carseat with us, but since his daycare is literally just around the corner from the house, I sucked it up. As we got in the car, Corbin asked if he could drive daddy's truck. My gut instinct was to say no. No way can you drive daddy's truck! We're already being completely unsafe - this is a horrible idea!!!

Well James said sure, popped him on his lap, and started the truck.

And we were off....

Of course, I'm flipping out the majority of the less than a minute trip home. Really not comfortable with this, what is my husband thinking....blah blah blah....

And then...

I looked over at Corbin and he is in HEAVEN. The grin on his face, the excitement in his eyes - this kid is having the time of his life. And it reminded me of when I was a little girl.

I am sure that my daddy let me drive his vehicle at some point in time before I was legally supposed to. I vaguely remember that. But what stands out as a favorite memory to me is this....my grandpa used to let us sit on his lap and drive the car or the tractor. And  we always felt so grown up and important and special doing it. It was so exciting and so much fun and obviously I loved it b/c 20 yrs later it's one of my favorite childhood memories. 

While Corbin won't be driving again for a very long time - I'm glad his daddy overruled me and let him that day. He may not remember it - but we will. And the look on his face and the good time he had is one of my favorite Corbin memories.

On a side note....as I was driving to work yesterday the song "when daddy let me drive" by Alan Jackson came on the radio. Made me think of my sweet boy. I'll post the words below:

It was painted red
It's stripe was white
It was 18 feet
From the bow to the stern light
2nd hand from a dealer in Atlanta
I rode up with daddy
When he went there to get her
Put on a shine
Put on a motor
Built out of love
And made for water
Ran it for years
Till the transom got rotten
A piece of my childhood that'll never be forgotten
It was, just an old plywood boat
75 johnson with electric choke
A young boy, two hands on the wheel
I cant replace the way it made me feel
And I would turn it shore line, and, make it wide
He'd say, ya can't beat the way an old wood boat rides
Just a little lake across the Alabama line
But I was king of the ocean, when daddy let me drive

Just an old 1/2 ton, short-bed Ford
My uncle bought new, in '64
Daddy got it right
Cause the engine was smokin'
Couple of burnt valves and he had it goin'
He'd let me drive her when we'd haul off a load
Down a dirt strip, where we'd dump trash
Off of Thickpin Road

I would sit on the seat
And stretch my feet out to the pedals
Smiling like a hero that just received his medal
It was just an old hand-me-down ford
With 3 speed on the column
And a dent in the door

A young boy, 2 hands on the wheel
I can't replace the way it, made me feel
And I would press that clutch and I'd keep it right
He'd say a lil' slower son you're doin' just fine
Just a dirt road with trash on each side
But I was Mario Andretti
When daddy let me drive

Im grown up now 3 daughters of my own
I let 'em drive my old jeep
Cross the pasture at our home
Maybe one day they'll reach back in their file
And pull out that old memory
And think of me and smile, and say
It's just an old worn out jeep
With rusty ole floor boards
Hot on my feet
A young girl, two hands on the wheel
I can't replace the way it, made me feel
And he'd say, turn it left now, and steer it right
Straighten up girl now, you're doin' just fine
Just a lil' valley by the river where we'd ride
But I was high on a mountain, when daddy let me drive
Daddy let me drive

new blog

I created a fitness blog so I have somewhere to post to keep me accountable. Check it out :)

James 1:2-4

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

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This is one of my favorite scriptures. It's underlined, highlighted, starred,etc in my Bible.
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I heard some news today that is actually wonderful news for a sweet family member. But it made me a bit sad as well. News that someone is expecting again is proving to be a thing that causes mixed emotions in me more often than not anymore. While I am always thrilled that someone is being blessed with a new baby, it is a painful reminder of what I lost and the fact that maybe God is closing the door of a second child for us. So it can sting a little. And in the moment that I heard my family member's wonderful news, there was a small part of my heart that hurt for a minute. Perhaps that makes me a horrible, selfish person? I honestly don't know. But it is what it is and while I am seeking to be content in circumstance I don't like, there are moments where it is hard.

All of that said....as I'm standing in my kitchen, pulling apart a VERY hot whole chicken for chicken soup (which is amazing soup by the way!) - I'm having my difficult moment. The good thing is I could take out my emotions on poor mister chicken. That was a nice touch lol. But I'm thinking and that verse pops in to my head. And then I'm thinking..."well that's special and all, but surely not applicable to my situation"

About 20 seconds later I realize it is applicable to my situation. See the God I serve knows all. And knew what trials I was going to go through a long time before I did - since the beginning of time last I checked lol. And I can't pick and choose what situations in my life scripture is applicable to. My situations do not change God's word. Somehow, even in a really bad situation - a painful situation - I am to count it all as joy b/c God is being and will be glorified through this. And it's really really hard. I'm learning a little more each day exactly how much I have to rely on His strength to do what is right in my life. Because left to my own, I would be a rather pitiful mess. By the grace of God, I am not - but I'm still a struggling person more often than not.

We have been talking church about making the choice to follow God. This morning we specifically talked about following God when His plans are different than ours are. I really don't remember a lot of what the pastor said...I was having my own little chat with God. But what I got out of church this morning is basically this...I can't change God's plan. His will is going to happen no matter what I do. But I can control how I react to it. When you serve a sovereign God, you know He could have stopped your tragedy. Maybe He didn't cause it, but He did allow it to happen. And you're left with the question of "why?" Why didn't He stop it if He could have? What is the reason for His actions (or lack thereof) in this situation? And you have a choice...You can choose to walk away b/c it hurts too much and you don't want to serve a God who didn't intervene in your personal tragedy. Or you can choose to continue to follow God, knowing that somewhere in someway good will come, God's will will be done, and He is faithful and sovereign in all things.

I can tell you honestly that some days it seems like it would be easier to just walk away from it. But in my heart, I know the truth, I know the God I serve, and I know that I can't just walk away. There is too much at stake to give it all up. So by the grace and strength of God, I keep on holding on. I may falter and cry and have a bad day. But that's the beautiful thing about God's grace and strength. It's abundant. It never runs out. And even in the moments when I'm taking my feelings out on an innocent dead whole chicken and feeling anger, and sorrow, and disappointment, and pain....if I lean on Him, put my trust in Him, and follow Him, somehow I will get through it all.