However - so many times in these posts, there's a lot said about moms who stop at 1 or 2 kids and why we choose to do so. And often it's implied, or even straight out said, that we are stopping for selfish reasons, or a lack of trust in God, or we really don't believe that children are blessing.
There is another side you know. I feel like Christian women bloggers often fail to acknowledge this. Some of us only have 2 bc having our second child involved some of the most emotionally and physically painful experiences we have ever gone through.
For those who read this and don't know (although most of you do) - I lost 4 babies between my son and daughter. 10wks, 5wks, 17.5wks, and then an ectopic pregnancy. I had a D&C for my first loss, I was induced, delivered my dead baby, and then hospitalized with a uterine infection 2wks later for 3 days with my third loss, I had emergency surgery at 11:30pm for my ectopic pregnancy. I was in a horrible place emotionally, I feel like I missed out on a lot of enjoying my son from 3 yrs old when we started trying until 5 when rachel was finally born. It was not worth it for me to put my family and myself through that for a third child. I have a 60-75% chance of having another miscarriage if I'm not on certain medications when I conceive - I can't just throw caution to the wind and get pregnant, I have to see a specialist and take pills, and plan EVERY SINGLE DETAIL of TTC. I have a 25% chance of having another ectopic pregnancy.
I would have had a third baby, we talked about it. In a perfect world i would have had a dozen. But we don't live in a perfect world. And we don't always get what we want.
It's hurtful to read so many Christian blogs about how children are a blessing that imply that those of us who stop after one or two are doing so bc we are selfish, or tired, or buying into some nonChristian viewpoint somewhere, or don't believe that children are a blessing.
My children are the GREATEST blessing in my life. The best gift God has given me apart from salvation. I didn't chose to stop at 2 kids bc I don't believe they are a blessing or because I'm selfish or because whatever. It's hurtful when people assume those are the only reasons one stops at 2 kids.
I stopped at 2 kids bc I feel that was the best decision for myself and my family. I felt like my kids that deserve a mom who is present and ok emotionally. Not devastated bc she's lost yet another pregnancy, not consumed with fertility appointments and trying to have a third baby. And it didn't seem fair to the unborn child to, knowing I have a high chance of miscarriage, throw caution to the wind and hope for the best.
I am so blessed to have the children I do have. I am blessed to know that someday I WILL see the ones that I lost. But people the constant assuming by those who have lots of kids that those of us who don't have chosen to stop for selfish reasons gets old and it hurts. I shouldn't have to justify my decision to stop, I shouldn't be made to feel like less of a good Christian mom, or that my family is less than in general bc of how many children I have.
No one should. No matter why they choose to stop at 2 kids. It's no one else's business. It's a decision between a man and a woman, their doctor, and Jesus. No one else.
.This has been a long time coming honestly. I feel like in the last few years my Facebook feed has been filled with blogs from Christian women about how women who choose to stop at 2 kids are basically doing it wrong. And every time, I type out a long comment in response and then delete it. But today, I typed out the long comment and didn't. I didn't share it on the friends Facebook, I know my friend (and probably most bloggers) aren't thinking that their words may be hurtful. But I did want to share another side and even though I rarely use the blog anymore, this is as good a place as any to do so.
