October 15th is international pregnancy and infant loss awareness day. Or something like that. I know some cynical ladies who refer to it as "Dead Baby Day" and having used cynicism, sarcasm, and blunt honesty to survive my own losses, I certainly can not judge them. Basically a day to remember all of the babies that died too soon, either from a pregnancy loss or an infant death. There are ceremonies on that day and at 7pm (or 730 - I can't remember!) everyone lights a candle for their sweet babies in Heaven. So this was the first year I was going to make it to a ceremony - the closest one the last few years has been in Tampa. But this year there was one in Naples. But my sweet Rachel was really sick and although daddy is perfectly capable, I just hate leaving the kids when they don't feel well. So I didn't get to go. I was going to light candles for my babies and a sweet friends two babies in Heaven as well. But a dear friend lit a candle for my babies and I remembered everyone for a few minutes at the appropriate time while rocking my screaming rainbow to sleep. Is that irony? Or a miracle? Maybe both. Having a rainbow is a miracle for sure.
But that's not what I want to write about tonight.
4 years ago I was around 7 or 8 weeks pregnant with our second baby. And it was International Baby Loss day. And someone posted something on facebook about it. I remember thinking "oh how sad. Kinda awkward to put it on Facebook..." and scrolling right on past. Funny that I thought it was awkward for Facebook b/c Lord knows now how many times I've been all kinds of awkward about baby loss and infertility on the Facebook in the last couple of years. Anyway - I kept scrolling, pushed it from my mind, b/c things like that just don't happen to me ya know? Miscarriage happens to other people...blah blah blah. News flash guys - something like 25% of known pregnancies end in miscarriage. 1 in 4. They don't just happen to other people. Scary thought huh?
So three weeks later I was 10wks and a day and went to my first OB appt. Tried to find the heartbeat and couldn't but it was early yet and they didn't see the need for the ultrasound at that point. I wonder if the midwife knew then and just didn't want to deal with it? That's mean I know, but would you want to deal with telling the excited pregnant woman her baby was dead? No. Me neither. Anyway the next day I began having some complications and ended up in the ER were I learned the baby was dead, completely flipped, got a nice shot of ativan, and went to sleep. They sent me home to follow up with my doc on Monday (this was on a Saturday). Said he would do a d&c then. Well I didn't make it that far and on Sunday I was back in the ER for an emergency D&C and was one of "those women" that miscarriage does happen to.
Since this was an unplanned baby, we did not start trying for another one for over a year. There were a lot of reasons for that, but looking back I'm glad we waited b/c the person I was then could not have walked the road of recurring pregnancy loss without ending in the looney bin.
A few months after my loss, a sweet friend showed up at my door step crying. She had just found out her baby was dead too. It was her third pregnancy. While I hate miscarriage and hate that we both experienced it, a wonderful friendship came from it and I thank God every day for her.
We all know the rest of the story. If you don't read my blogs from 2010. They're really uplifting. Or not. But they're honest and were I was in the moment.
Anyway I don't know where I was going with this. I don't want to be the bearer of doom ("oh don't think it'll never happen to you b/c it may!!! BEWARE!!") b/c that's not what I think. I pray none of my friends have a miscarriage. It sucks. I worry from the day a friend announces a pregnancy until that baby is here. For all of my friends. It's a bit overwhelming lol! But for real I never thought I would lose one baby, let alone 4. Did you know recurrent pregnancy loss only occurs in like 3% of women? It's a pretty small chance that it would happen to me. But it did.
I will say I've met some wonderful people through this. In addition to my above mentioned friend, I have a whole group of women who have struggled with different forms on infertility. They're awesome and I would have never met them if I hadn't had my second miscarriage. Honestly if I hadn't had my third - when we lost Pepper - I probably wouldn't have gone back. So there you go. There's some of my bright side. And I said when Rachel was born, it was all worth it. And it was.
Anyway - I guess don't just scroll past the baby loss stuff b/c you don't know what to say or you don't think it could ever happen to you. It could happen to anyone. But more importantly - it did happen to HER. That person on the other side of facebook over sharing her personal business b/c she just wants someone besides her to acknowledge her baby, no matter how little time it was with her. And that's what the day is about. Yes it's an uncomfortable thought, but if nothing else, say a prayer and hug your babies tight. A day of remembrance for babies gone to Heaven should remind all of us how blessed we are to have babies on Earth.
But that's not what I want to write about tonight.
4 years ago I was around 7 or 8 weeks pregnant with our second baby. And it was International Baby Loss day. And someone posted something on facebook about it. I remember thinking "oh how sad. Kinda awkward to put it on Facebook..." and scrolling right on past. Funny that I thought it was awkward for Facebook b/c Lord knows now how many times I've been all kinds of awkward about baby loss and infertility on the Facebook in the last couple of years. Anyway - I kept scrolling, pushed it from my mind, b/c things like that just don't happen to me ya know? Miscarriage happens to other people...blah blah blah. News flash guys - something like 25% of known pregnancies end in miscarriage. 1 in 4. They don't just happen to other people. Scary thought huh?
So three weeks later I was 10wks and a day and went to my first OB appt. Tried to find the heartbeat and couldn't but it was early yet and they didn't see the need for the ultrasound at that point. I wonder if the midwife knew then and just didn't want to deal with it? That's mean I know, but would you want to deal with telling the excited pregnant woman her baby was dead? No. Me neither. Anyway the next day I began having some complications and ended up in the ER were I learned the baby was dead, completely flipped, got a nice shot of ativan, and went to sleep. They sent me home to follow up with my doc on Monday (this was on a Saturday). Said he would do a d&c then. Well I didn't make it that far and on Sunday I was back in the ER for an emergency D&C and was one of "those women" that miscarriage does happen to.
Since this was an unplanned baby, we did not start trying for another one for over a year. There were a lot of reasons for that, but looking back I'm glad we waited b/c the person I was then could not have walked the road of recurring pregnancy loss without ending in the looney bin.
A few months after my loss, a sweet friend showed up at my door step crying. She had just found out her baby was dead too. It was her third pregnancy. While I hate miscarriage and hate that we both experienced it, a wonderful friendship came from it and I thank God every day for her.
We all know the rest of the story. If you don't read my blogs from 2010. They're really uplifting. Or not. But they're honest and were I was in the moment.
Anyway I don't know where I was going with this. I don't want to be the bearer of doom ("oh don't think it'll never happen to you b/c it may!!! BEWARE!!") b/c that's not what I think. I pray none of my friends have a miscarriage. It sucks. I worry from the day a friend announces a pregnancy until that baby is here. For all of my friends. It's a bit overwhelming lol! But for real I never thought I would lose one baby, let alone 4. Did you know recurrent pregnancy loss only occurs in like 3% of women? It's a pretty small chance that it would happen to me. But it did.
I will say I've met some wonderful people through this. In addition to my above mentioned friend, I have a whole group of women who have struggled with different forms on infertility. They're awesome and I would have never met them if I hadn't had my second miscarriage. Honestly if I hadn't had my third - when we lost Pepper - I probably wouldn't have gone back. So there you go. There's some of my bright side. And I said when Rachel was born, it was all worth it. And it was.
Anyway - I guess don't just scroll past the baby loss stuff b/c you don't know what to say or you don't think it could ever happen to you. It could happen to anyone. But more importantly - it did happen to HER. That person on the other side of facebook over sharing her personal business b/c she just wants someone besides her to acknowledge her baby, no matter how little time it was with her. And that's what the day is about. Yes it's an uncomfortable thought, but if nothing else, say a prayer and hug your babies tight. A day of remembrance for babies gone to Heaven should remind all of us how blessed we are to have babies on Earth.
2 comments:
Love you Ruthie!
Love you Ruthie!
Post a Comment